Want to Encourage Your Spouse?
Notice the Little Things
One of my goals in life is to leave a legacy well lived. When I leave this earth, I want others to know I loved God, my husband, my family, and my friends—and welcomed strangers as new friends.
As a former high school cheerleader, I still use those encouragement skills with the people I meet. The pom-poms may be put away, but the cheering continues.
Encouragement is free, and it can mean so much.
A few years ago, I began making a deliberate effort to notice people whose necessary work often goes unrecognized: teachers, janitors, servers, bus drivers, hotel cleaning staff, sanitation workers, and receptionists.
I wanted them to know someone saw their effort that day. A specific compliment or a sincere thank-you offered a small opportunity to do that.
The same habit matters in our closest relationships, especially marriage and parenting. Even if words of affirmation aren’t your preferred way of receiving love, it still feels good to hear, “I noticed what you did, and I appreciate you.”
Bring Encouragement Home
Seth and I have practiced appreciation since we started dating. I believe it helps create an atmosphere of mutual respect and gratitude. We’ve passed that habit along to our children and grandchildren, too.
One example involves a very ordinary household task.
Our rule is simple: whoever gets out of bed last makes the bed. Since Seth is an early riser, I’m usually the bed maker.
But on the occasions when he makes it, I’m sure to thank him and tell him I appreciate it.
The task may be small, but I want him to feel seen and loved. I don’t want familiarity to turn his effort into something I overlook.
That’s an easy trap in marriage. We become accustomed to what our spouse does, and somewhere along the way, we stop mentioning it.
The coffee appears. The trash disappears. The appointment gets scheduled. Life keeps moving.
But there is a person behind each of those actions.
How to Encourage Your Spouse Today
You don’t have to wait for a major accomplishment to become your spouse’s cheerleader. Start with what is happening right in front of you.
Notice one specific effort.
Look for something your spouse did that made life easier, brought joy, or required patience. Maybe they handled an errand, listened after a difficult day, or kept working toward a goal.
Say what you appreciate.
“Thank you for making the bed” is a good beginning. “I love walking into our room and seeing it ready for the day” tells them why it matters to you.
Choose words you mean. Encouragement feels more personal when it reflects something you actually noticed.
Cheer before the finish line.
Some efforts take time to produce results. You can appreciate perseverance along the way: “I see how much work you’re putting into this.”
Ask whether your spouse wants encouragement, help, or simply someone to listen. Then make room for their answer.
Build Each Other Up
The scripture guiding this series, 1 Thessalonians 5:11, calls us to encourage one another and build each other up.
That gives us a daily opportunity to put our faith into practice through the words we choose.
In Marriage Encouragement: Building Each Other Up Through Faith, I shared how compliments and laughter help us stay connected.
And in Serving Your Spouse in Love: Small Ways to Lighten the Load, we explored practical support. Appreciation lets your spouse know that support was noticed.
For more ideas, read Focus on the Family’s For a Happy Marriage: Do the “Little Things” That Matter to Your Spouse. Its reminder to notice everyday efforts and say thank you fits a habit we can practice at home today.
Seth and I truly are each other’s biggest cheerleaders. I enjoy encouragement from others, but the person I most want at the finish line is my husband.
And I want to be there for him—even when his victory lap follows making the bed. 😂
Your relationship trail step: Notice one thing your spouse does today and tell them specifically why you appreciate it.
What everyday effort have you become so accustomed to that you’ve forgotten to say thank you?
