Serving Your Spouse in Love: Small Ways to Lighten the Load
Serving your spouse looks different in different seasons of life. What helps today may look nothing like what helped twenty years ago.
When we were first married, I stayed home while Seth worked. We lived in Atlanta, where I knew exactly three people. By the time he came through the door, I was following him around, ready to talk.
I was hungry for connection.
Exhausted and ready to collapse, Seth would chat with me—or listen to me chat. He noticed my need and made room for me the best he could.
Different Seasons, Different Needs
When our children were little, I loved being a stay-at-home mom. But I missed adult conversation and a few peaceful minutes without anyone jumping around or being silly.
I was hungry for connection and peace.
Seth would come home, kiss me, greet the dog, and jump into playtime with the kiddos. His willingness to become their playmate gave me a much-needed break.
During the teenage years, I worked part time and usually arrived home around the same time as the kids. Life moved in several directions at once.
I was hungry for order in the madness.
Seth shared household duties and helped transport teenagers to and fro. We worked together to manage the chaos.
When we became empty nesters, I began writing full time. We also came alongside our single-mom daughter and watched her little ones most days. Writing and small children rarely complement each other.
I was hungry for space to write.
Once again, Seth became the playmate of littles. It was usually boisterous and involved plenty of movement. He’s a great PopPop.
Now we live in the Texas Hill Country as empty nesters—sort of. Those grandchildren are a dozen years older and still bring joy to our lives. I write while my fully retired husband tends the many trees on our property.
He’s also my sidekick at writing and speaking events. He drives, carries supplies, and generally picks up whatever I drop.
I need a Sherpa.
Seth has risen to meet that need, too. He’s a fantastic Sherpa.
Notice What Would Help Now
Through every season, Seth has stepped in because he saw a need and understood that loving me included helping ease my burden.
His example reminds me to ask: What is my spouse carrying today, and how can I help?
Serving your spouse in love begins with paying attention. Here are three ways to practice it.
Ask before assuming. Try, “What would make today easier?” Your spouse may need a listening ear, a quiet hour, or practical help.
Take responsibility for something specific. “I’ll handle dinner and cleanup tonight” offers clearer help than “Let me know if you need anything.” Choose something you can realistically do, then follow through.
Revisit needs as life changes. Talk about what each of you needs now instead of relying on what worked years ago.
Put Love Into Practice
Amazon disclosure: I may earn a commission if you purchase through the movie and book links below, at no additional cost to you. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
For a movie-night conversation starter, consider Fireproof. This story of a struggling marriage offers a reminder that love involves choices and actions.
You can also explore The Love Dare by Alex and Stephen Kendrick, the book connected to the movie’s marriage challenge.
Use these resources to start a conversation: “What is one way I could help lighten your load this week?”
Build Each Other Up Through Service
The scripture guiding this series, 1 Thessalonians 5:11, calls us to encourage one another and build each other up. Sometimes that encouragement comes through words. Sometimes it comes through car keys, a finished chore, or an hour of uninterrupted writing.
In Marriage Encouragement: Building Each Other Up Through Faith, I shared how noticing and appreciating each other strengthens our connection.
Service gives us another way to say, “I see you, and what matters to you matters to me.”
Your relationship trail step: Ask your spouse what one thing would lighten their load this week. Agree on what you can do, then do it with love.
What kind of help would mean the most in your current season?
