How to Grow Together When Life Is Pulling You in Different Directions
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace."
— Ephesians 4:2–3 (NIV)
Have you ever felt like you and your spouse were living in the same house...
...but running on two completely different schedules?
One leaves before sunrise.
The other finally sits down just as dinner dishes are put away.
The calendar is overflowing.
The laundry is multiplying.
The to-do list somehow keeps growing.
Conversations become logistics.
"Can you pick up milk?"
"Don't forget soccer practice."
"I'll be late tonight."
"Did you pay the electric bill?"
None of those conversations are bad.
They're simply part of doing life together.
But if we're not careful, we can become excellent managers of a household while slowly forgetting how to be best friends.
Distance rarely happens because two people stop loving one another.
More often...
Life quietly fills the space between them.
The good news?
It doesn't have to stay that way.
One of the busiest seasons of our marriage taught Seth and me one of the greatest lessons we've ever learned about staying connected.
Ships Passing in the Night
There was a season in our marriage when I honestly felt like I was a single parent.
Not because Seth wasn't committed to our family.
Not because he didn't love us.
Because life demanded almost everything he had to give.
We were stationed at Fort Meade, Maryland, and Seth worked at the National Guard Bureau in Washington, D.C., during the years following 9/11.
His commute alone took nearly two hours each way.
By the time he walked through the front door each evening, the commute had already drained much of the energy he had left.
Meanwhile, life at home wasn't exactly quiet.
We were homeschooling two children.
If you've ever homeschooled, I probably don't need to explain what that means.
You already know.
It requires your mind.
Your heart.
Your patience.
And just about every ounce of energy you have.
Our children also swam on a highly competitive, year-round swim team.
Practices.
Swim meets.
Travel.
Meals on the run.
Laundry that never seemed to end.
Life revolved around lesson plans, stopwatches, calendars, and carpools.
Somewhere in the middle of all of that...
I also worked part-time managing the post movie theater.
Looking back, I'm honestly not sure how we kept all the balls in the air.
Some days...
I don't think we did.
During those years, cell phones had become our leashes.
People could reach us almost anytime.
Work followed us home.
Responsibilities never seemed to stop.
This was long before FaceTime.
If we wanted to see each other's face, we actually had to be in the same room.
I jokingly call those days our "OG FaceTime."
Life wasn't glamorous.
It wasn't romantic.
Honestly...
It wasn't even very exciting.
It was ordinary.
Very ordinary.
Yet I've come to believe something.
Ordinary seasons are where extraordinary marriages are quietly built.
A Lesson We Learned Along the Way
Before this season arrived, God had already taught us something that became our lifeline.
We were not the enemy.
The schedule was.
The exhaustion was.
The constant demands on our time were.
If we weren't careful, those things could slowly become the wedge between us.
So instead of fighting each other...
We learned to fight for our marriage.
When one of us had a hard day, we reminded ourselves that stress was speaking louder than our hearts.
When one of us was exhausted, we tried to offer grace instead of criticism.
We didn't always do it perfectly.
Far from it.
But we kept reminding ourselves that we were on the same team.
That one lesson changed everything.
It Was Only a Season
One phrase carried us through those years.
"This is a season."
Not forever.
Just a season.
Some seasons require planting.
Others require pruning.
Some require endurance.
This one required faithfulness.
As exhausting as life felt, we believed we were making the best decisions we could for our family.
Were there sacrifices?
Absolutely.
Did our marriage look less romantic and more practical during those years?
Without question.
But practical doesn't mean unhealthy.
Sometimes faithfulness looks less like candlelight dinners...
...and more like packing lunches at 5:30 in the morning.
Sometimes it looks like folding towels together while talking about your day.
Sometimes it looks like praying for a spouse who's too tired to pray for themselves.
Those moments may not seem extraordinary.
But they are.
Because they're building something that lasts.
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When the Busy Season Ends
After three years, Seth and I reached a decision.
We had enough.
The commute.
The exhaustion.
The relentless pace of life.
The constant feeling that our family was surviving instead of thriving.
After many conversations and much prayer, Seth made the decision to submit his retirement papers from the Army.
It wasn't a decision we took lightly.
Military life had been much more than a career.
It had shaped who we were as a family.
But together we recognized something important.
Sometimes God calls us to stay.
Other times, He calls us into a new season.
Making that decision together reminded us once again that our marriage was stronger than any career, assignment, or address.
The transition wasn't always easy.
Few major life changes are.
But because we made the decision together, we entered that next chapter united instead of divided.
Looking back now, I can honestly say God was faithful through every step.
Our children flourished.
They medaled in the Junior Olympics.
The homeschooling years became some of our favorite memories.
I discovered a passion for mentoring parents and encouraging families that continues to shape my ministry today.
And Seth and I?
We came through those demanding years with a stronger marriage than when we started.
Not because life suddenly became easier.
But because we learned to keep choosing each other.
A Lesson We Learned Along the Way
One day the calendars become empty.
The swim practices end.
The children grow up.
The career changes.
Retirement arrives.
The house grows quieter.
When that day comes, you're left with the person sitting across the breakfast table.
I'm thankful we never stopped investing in that relationship.
The busyness eventually faded.
Our friendship didn't.
That's one of the greatest gifts you can give your future selves.
Don't wait until life slows down to reconnect.
Find small moments today.
Five minutes over coffee.
A walk around the neighborhood.
Praying together before bed.
Holding hands while watching the evening news.
Small moments often become lifelong memories.
Practical Ways to Stay Connected During Busy Seasons
Over the years, these simple habits helped us stay connected, even when life felt overwhelming.
Protect Your Friendship
It's easy to become partners in running a household while forgetting to be friends.
Ask about each other's day.
Laugh together.
Sit on the porch.
Take a walk.
Hold hands.
Friendship is the heartbeat of a lasting marriage.
Share Your Calendar
Whether it's a digital calendar or an old-fashioned paper calendar hanging on the refrigerator, let each other know what's coming.
Knowing where your spouse is—and when they'll be home—reduces stress and creates opportunities for thoughtful surprises.
Protect Your Own Health
You can't continually pour into everyone else from an empty vessel.
Sleep.
Healthy food.
Exercise.
Time with God.
These aren't selfish choices.
They're investments in your marriage.
There's a reason flight attendants tell us to put on our own oxygen mask first.
You can't help someone else if you're struggling to breathe yourself.
Choose Your Commitments Wisely
Every "yes" costs something.
Ask yourself:
• Does this activity strengthen our family?
• Does it move us toward the life God is calling us to live?
• Or is it simply filling another square on the calendar?
Sometimes the healthiest word you can say is...
"No."
Final Thoughts
Life will probably never stop asking for your attention.
There will always be another appointment.
Another project.
Another practice.
Another deadline.
The question isn't whether life will become busy.
It will.
The question is whether you'll intentionally keep turning toward one another while everything else is pulling you apart.
Remember...
Your spouse is not the enemy.
The season is.
Stand shoulder to shoulder.
Face the season together.
Trust God to lead you through it.
One faithful choice at a time.
Coffee with DeeDee ☕
If there's one thing life has taught me, it's this...
Today's world is overflowing with advice.
Social media.
Podcasts.
Television.
Friends.
Even complete strangers online are eager to tell us how to live, parent, and love our spouses.
Some advice is incredibly helpful.
Some isn't.
Be intentional about who has permission to speak into your life.
Choose voices that are grounded in biblical truth, proven wisdom, and lives that reflect the kind of marriage and faith you hope to build.
A trustworthy mentor won't simply tell you what you want to hear.
They'll lovingly point you toward God's best.
Choose wisely.
Your marriage is one of God's greatest gifts.
It's worth protecting.
Continue Your Marriage Journey
The Secret to Staying Close During Busy Seasons of Life
Because this blog naturally follows that conversation.On the Same Team: The Power of Shared Purpose
This reinforces the central lesson that your spouse isn't the enemy—the season is.Serving One Another Changes Everything
This continues the theme of choosing each other during difficult seasons.
Recommended Resource
I recently had the privilege of meeting Bill and Pam Farrel at the AWSA Conference. For decades, they've encouraged couples with practical, biblically grounded wisdom about marriage, communication, and relationships.
One of their most popular books is Men Are Like Waffles—Women Are Like Spaghetti. Filled with humor, relatable stories, and biblical insight, it helps husbands and wives better understand the unique ways God designed each of us. If you're looking for a resource that strengthens communication and deepens friendship, I highly recommend it.
Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. If you purchase through my link, I may receive a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you for supporting my work and helping me continue creating free resources that encourage stronger marriages and deeper faith.
Keep Building an Extraordinary Marriage
Marriage is one of God's greatest classrooms.
Every season is another opportunity to grow in faith, character, and love.
Until next time...keep building your marriage, one faithful choice at a time.
