The Field Guide to Extraordinary Relationships | Faith, Friendship & Stronger Connections
Rooted in Faith. Growing in Love.
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor... Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." — Ecclesiastes 4:9,12 (NIV)
Recently, I was asked a question that made me stop and think:
What advice would you give your younger self about marriage and relationships?
After forty-two years of marriage, that's a pretty big question.
My mind drifted back to a front porch in Alabama, a glass of sweet tea, and a conversation that has stayed with me for decades.
A while ago—hmmm, it seems most of my stories these days start with "a while ago"—my husband and I purchased five acres tucked into the middle of 300 beautifully wooded acres in Alabama. It was peaceful, quiet, and exactly the kind of place where life seemed to slow down.
We had recently celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary. Yes, I did say a while ago.
While living there, we met a wonderful older couple who had been married more than 40 years and were the parents of fourteen children. They loved the Lord, loved each other, and seemed just as smitten with one another as they had probably been on their wedding day.
One afternoon they invited us to their home. We sat on their front porch swing, drinking sweet tea and enjoying homemade tea cakes. At some point I asked what seemed like an obvious question.
"What advice would you give a young couple hoping to build a strong marriage?"
Their answer surprised me.
They shared three pieces of advice:
Never go to bed angry.
Always hold hands.
Always take a shower together.
That third one nearly caused me to choke on my tea cake.
I suppose that's one way to end up with fourteen children.
Even now, decades later, that answer still makes me laugh.
Over the years, Seth and I have followed most of their advice. We never quite mastered the shower part. I like my water hot enough to sterilize surgical instruments, while he prefers something closer to a refreshing mountain stream. Add the fact that he's nearly seven inches taller than I am, and the showerhead sprays directly into my face.
Let's just say we're not shower compatible.
But the encounter stayed with me.
Not because of their specific advice, but because of what I saw in their relationship. They genuinely enjoyed one another. They had built something strong, lasting, and beautiful.
Looking back, I realize they weren't really giving us a list of rules.
They were describing the habits and attitudes that had helped them build an extraordinary relationship.
Over the years, Seth and I have discovered a few of our own.
If I could sit down with my younger self today, these are the seven principles I would share.
1. Faith: The Root System
Every healthy tree begins below the surface.
The same is true of relationships.
Faith has been the foundation of our marriage from the very beginning. It doesn't mean we've always had the answers. It means we've always known where to turn when we didn't.
Faith reminds us that God is the foundation of our relationship and that neither of us was ever meant to carry the responsibility of being the other's everything.
When faith becomes the root system, relationships can weather storms that might otherwise uproot them.
2. Friendship: Enjoying the Journey Together
One of the greatest compliments people give Seth and me is that we genuinely seem to enjoy one another.
They're right.
We do.
We hold hands.
We sit close.
We choose furniture that accommodates that requirement.
And we laugh. Every single day.
Someone once said, "Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."
I don't know if that's scientifically proven, but after 42 years of marriage, I can tell you it certainly feels true.
Friendship is what makes us want to spend time together long after the excitement of the wedding day has faded.
Friendship isn't something you find.
It's something you cultivate.
3. Respect: Honoring One Another
Respect isn't reserved for special occasions.
It's practiced in everyday moments.
It's found in the way we listen, the way we speak, and the way we treat one another when we disagree.
Many relationship problems aren't really about the issue being discussed. They're about someone feeling unheard, unseen, or unappreciated.
Respect communicates a simple but powerful message:
You matter.
And every healthy relationship needs that reminder.
4. Service: Love in Action
Love isn't just something we feel.
Love is something we do.
Some of the most meaningful acts of love are surprisingly ordinary.
Making coffee.
Running an errand.
Helping with a task.
Offering encouragement after a difficult day.
Healthy relationships thrive when both people look for ways to serve rather than ways to be served.
Service turns affection into action.
5. Unity: Being on the Same Team
Like many couples, we've walked through difficult seasons.
One of the hardest involved raising a struggling teenager.
There were moments of tension and frustration.
But we learned something important.
The challenge was the problem.
Not each other.
When couples remember they're on the same team, they stop fighting against one another and start working together toward a shared goal.
Unity doesn't require perfect agreement.
It requires a shared commitment to the relationship.
6. Encouragement: Speaking Life
Words matter.
A lot.
The people we love most often hear our words more than anyone else.
Encouragement doesn't require a grand speech.
Sometimes it's as simple as:
"I'm proud of you."
"Thank you."
"I appreciate you."
"I believe in you."
Encouragement has a way of breathing life into relationships.
And it's a gift we can give every day.
7. Intentionality: Relationships Don't Grow on Autopilot
No healthy relationship happens by accident.
Relationships grow because someone chooses to invest.
Time.
Attention.
Energy.
Effort.
The strongest marriages, families, and friendships I've observed all have one thing in common:
Someone was intentional.
Extraordinary relationships aren't built during vacations, anniversaries, or milestone celebrations.
They're built in the ordinary moments of everyday life.
Growing Extraordinary Relationships
When I look back over 42 years of marriage, I don't see perfection.
I see thousands of small decisions.
Decisions to trust God.
To stay friends.
To show respect.
To serve.
To remain united.
To encourage.
To be intentional.
Like a tree, extraordinary relationships don't grow overnight.
They grow slowly, steadily, and faithfully.
And over time, those small daily choices produce something beautiful.
If I could sit down with my younger self today, these are the principles I'd share.
And if you're looking to strengthen your marriage, your family, or your friendships, perhaps they're a good place to start for you too.
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Rooted in Faith. Growing in Love.
Question for Reflection
If you could sit down with your younger self, what advice would you give about relationships?
I'd love to hear your answer.
