The Power of Appreciation in Everyday Relationships

Recently, I heard that the Irish have a habit of apologizing even when they are the ones who have been bumped into. Apparently, they may even apologize to inanimate objects, animals, and whatever else happens to be in the way.

That made me smile.

Then it made me think.

What if Americans became known for having a habit of gratitude?

What if we looked for ways to show thankfulness and appreciation in ordinary moments? What if we became people who noticed the good and said something about it?

One moment of gratitude may not change the whole world, but it can change the atmosphere around one person.

And that matters.

Appreciation is one of the simplest ways to strengthen a relationship because it tells someone:

I see you.
I value you.
What you do matters.

That is true in marriage, friendship, family, church, work, parenting, grandparenting, and even those quick everyday encounters with people we may never see again.

This is one of the habits I continue to explore in The Field Guide to Extraordinary Relationships | Faith, Friendship & Stronger Connections — the small choices that build stronger, kinder, more connected relationships.

Appreciation Changes the Atmosphere

A few years ago, I started a simple habit.

When I came across a clerk, someone cleaning a public space, a teacher, a server, a volunteer, or really anyone doing something that made life better, I tried to thank them.

Not in a big, dramatic way. No confetti cannons in aisle seven.

Just a sincere, “Thank you for what you’re doing. I appreciate you.”

I wanted them to know they were seen and appreciated.

The responses have been precious.

Almost everyone I have thanked has said thank you back, and as I walked away, I could often see a huge smile on their face.

Isn’t it true that we all want to be seen, heard, and understood?

Sometimes appreciation does not require a speech. It only requires noticing.

Gracious Words Matter

Proverbs 16:24 says:

“Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

That is such a beautiful picture.

Gracious words can bring sweetness into a hard day. They can soften a tired heart. They can remind someone that their effort matters.

Our words can become small gifts.

They do not have to be fancy. They do not have to be long. They simply need to be sincere.

“Thank you.”

“I noticed.”

“You did that well.”

“I appreciate how you handled that.”

“That meant a lot to me.”

Those words may seem small to us, but they may land in someone else’s day like honey to the soul.

Seeing the Person in Front of You

This past weekend, I noticed a woman sitting a few seats down from me in the same row at church.

At first, I wasn’t sure if she was dabbing at her eyes because, well, this is Texas and we have approximately one thousand allergies in the Hill Country. Or maybe she was upset.

I gave her the courtesy of not staring, but I was aware of her. So was my beautiful 87-year-old friend, Glenna.

Unbeknownst to me, when Glenna stood up for the last time in the service, she told the woman, “God sees your tears.”

Wow.

That was beautiful.

And completely true.

As I started to walk by the woman, I could tell she wasn’t simply suffering from Hill Country allergies. Something was upsetting her.

I quietly asked if she was okay.

She wiped at her eyes and said what we all often say when we are not fine at all: “Oh yes. Everything is fine.”

I came a little closer and asked if I could pray for her.

She said yes and told me her name.

We prayed.

She cried.

I do not know what the issue was, but I do know she felt seen and heard that morning. Not only by God, but by Glenna and by me.

We did not fix her problem.

We did not need the whole story.

We simply noticed her pain and stepped into it for a moment.

Sometimes appreciation looks like saying thank you.

Sometimes it looks like honoring someone’s work.

And sometimes it looks like recognizing that the person in front of you matters enough to pause.

Appreciation at Home

Seth and I have always tried to practice appreciation in our marriage.

It is a hard lesson to teach kids, but we did our best. Most days, I think we were successful. Some days, well, the training wheels were still wobbling.

But appreciation has always mattered in our home.

It does not matter how many times Seth opens the door for me, takes out the trash, runs back to the car for forgotten items, or gives me the last French fry.

I am grateful.

And I use my words to let him know how much he means to me and how much his actions matter.

He does the same for me.

I have washed dishes and done laundry for our entire relationship. He still comes into the house and makes a comment about how nice the kitchen looks or thanks me for his clean clothes being in the cabinet where he can easily find them.

He is also a wise man because he does not comment when I have not had a chance to wash the dishes or put the laundry away.

That, my friends, is wisdom wrapped in survival skills.

The point is not that we need applause for every little thing we do.

The point is that everyday faithfulness should not become invisible.

When someone keeps showing up, serving, working, loving, helping, providing, praying, cleaning, driving, listening, forgiving, or simply doing the next right thing, appreciation says, “I see that. Thank you.”

Strong relationships are not built only through grand gestures.

They are strengthened when we notice the good, say thank you, and refuse to take everyday faithfulness for granted.

Gratitude Can Be Taught

When I homeschooled our kids for nine years, I had them start the day with a gratitude journal.

Their assignment had a few purposes.

First, it helped them begin the day with the right heart attitude.

Second, it helped them focus on the blessings of God.

And third, I hoped it would help build a lifetime habit of living with a grateful heart.

Of course, some of their gratitude entries were pretty cute.

Things like:

“Bugs are green.”

“New hairbrush.”

“Didn’t have to read the whole boring book.”

You get the idea.

But even those little entries mattered.

They were learning to look for something good.

They were learning to notice.

They were learning that gratitude does not always begin with huge, dramatic blessings. Sometimes it begins with green bugs, clean socks, a kind word, a good meal, or a break from a boring book.

Gratitude grows when we practice seeing.

And appreciation grows when we say what we see.

Don’t Just Think It. Say It.

One of the easiest mistakes we make in relationships is assuming people know we appreciate them.

We think it.

We feel it.

We are grateful.

But we do not always say it.

And unspoken appreciation does not build the same kind of connection as appreciation spoken out loud.

Your husband may know you are grateful, but tell him anyway.

Your wife may know you noticed, but say it anyway.

Your friend may know you value her, but remind her anyway.

Your child may know you are proud, but use the words anyway.

Your coworker, pastor, teacher, server, clerk, volunteer, neighbor, or family member may be carrying more than you realize. A sincere word of appreciation might become the encouragement they needed that day.

First Thessalonians 5:11 says:

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up…”

That is what appreciation does.

It builds.

It strengthens.

It reminds people that their presence, effort, and faithfulness matter.

Helpful Resources for Practicing Gratitude

🎧 Podcast: The Gratitude Podcast
If you want a simple way to keep gratitude in front of you, The Gratitude Podcast may be a helpful trail marker. It focuses on noticing thankfulness, practicing gratitude, and letting appreciation become part of everyday life.

📖 Devotional Journal: Gifts and Gratitudes: A Year of One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp
Ann Voskamp’s guided devotional journal is a beautiful resource for slowing down and noticing God’s gifts in ordinary moments. If you want to build the habit of gratitude one small reflection at a time, this journal offers a gentle place to begin.

Affiliate note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases through the book link above, at no extra cost to you.

Appreciation Is a Relationship Builder

Appreciation is not complicated.

It is not expensive.

It does not require a perfect relationship, a perfect personality, or perfect timing.

It simply asks us to notice what is good and say something about it.

That small habit can change the atmosphere of a home.

It can soften a marriage.

It can encourage a child.

It can strengthen a friendship.

It can bless a stranger.

It can remind someone who feels unseen that they are not invisible.

Extraordinary relationships are often built through ordinary words spoken with sincerity.

“I see you.”

“I appreciate you.”

“Thank you.”

“What you do matters.”

Those words are gracious words.

And gracious words are sweet to the soul.

Waypoint Challenge

This week, do not let appreciation stay tucked away in your thoughts.

Say it out loud.

Thank one person in your home for something they do often.

Thank one person outside your home who may not hear appreciation very often.

Tell one friend, family member, or loved one something specific you value about them.

And when you notice something good, do not keep it quiet.

Let appreciation become part of the atmosphere you create.

One sincere thank you can become a small trail marker of grace in someone else’s day.

For more faith-filled encouragement for marriage, family, friendship, and everyday relationships, visit The Field Guide to Extraordinary Relationships | Faith, Friendship & Stronger Connections.

Looking for more faith-filled encouragement? Abba’s Lessons by DeeDee Lake is a Christian devotional filled with personal reflection, everyday lessons, and reminders of God’s guidance in daily life.

Read more about Abba’s Lessons:
https://deedeelake.com/abbas-lessons