Often, we feel our boundaries disrespected or we have not tried to establish them. What makes some people able to say “no” and others can’t get the one-syllable word out of their mouth?
My brother and sister grew up with me in the same household and we are all completely different in regards to boundaries. I think my brother sees boundaries of the same lens he used for most of his life and they are just a guideline. I love the man. He can go through this life rarely offending anyone yet he probably couldn’t describe anything in his life that he lives as a hard and fast rule. My older Brother loves people he is relational like me.
Younger Sister has grown weary of people disrespecting her. Initially, I thought the problem was that she failed to put up boundaries and so people just kept on barging in places in her life she wanted to keep reserved. Soon, I saw that she set boundaries for herself but not for others.
Brother and I are the “more the merrier” and sister is more like the “two is pushing my level of comfort.”
After spending time this summer with my sister, I realized that she does try to place boundaries in her life. I had sent her the Boundaries book via eBook. She started to read it and loved what it said. Unfortunately, she didn’t finish the book. Some mistakenly perceive she doesn’t have boundaries. I think people see her as nice, reserved, and unwilling to overstep their boundaries, as it is very common, they fail to see she expects that others will do the same for her. I am sad to say that is just not how it works.
Boundaries are like a gate that swings both ways. When you know that something doesn’t set well with your spirit it is time to let everyone know you are setting a boundary. You might have a boundary that you won’t harm others. You must be the gatekeeper and not allow people to come into your area without permission. Your “gate” might as well be standing wide open.
As for me, I love boundaries. I enjoy it very much when someone tells me “no.” When an individual tells me their boundary, I feel free to enjoy the relationship knowing what is expected.
State your expectations and then be willing to do what you need to enforce them.
For example, let’s say, you don’t foul language is not okay with you. You have established this by not cursing yourself (modeling good behavior) and then stating you don’t want cursing to be in your life. When you hear a curse tell them in a kind way that you would prefer they not use foul language around you.
Most people will say, “Sorry” and try hard not to do it again. Then, there are the Potty Mouths, which simply can’t help themselves. The solution to this is to remove yourself. I know you might say well it is a workmate or my spouse. It is okay. Take a break from the conversation and walk away until you feel your boundary respected. Everyone is worthy of having personal boundaries. Be sure to respect your boundary lines. In other words, if you only want pure speech to be in your life then you must model clean speech yourself, in what you read, watch, write, listen to, and say.
Boundaries established with anger and frustrations, often are not respected as those, which are calmly given early on in the relationship. I encourage you to have boundaries and keep chaos at bay. God has boundaries why shouldn’t you?